Kindergarten... one last time

My youngest boy is starting kindergarten this fall. This is the same "first day of kindergarten" I've gone through 3 other times but somehow it's different this time. He's my youngest... the one baby that I thought (I guess) would be in preschool for years and years and always be with me the other days of the week so we could run errands, have lunch, play games and watch videos.

But he's 5 now and kindergarten is calling. He wants to go, I really do want him to go, but at the same time I'm sad. He's my last child, there won't be any more, no more boys to stay home with Mom and play or go to big school and have lunch with one of his brothers. He will be gone every day until 3:30 just like them, and not want to be with Mom as much, he will have friends from school that I haven't met yet, and experiences that I haven't been a part of, and hard days that I can't help him with and it makes me sad. Sad that time is passing and he's growing up and growing away and won't be the baby anymore.

And I know we have to let go. I just wish it wasn't so painful for the parents and so pain-free for the children. Now I wouldn't want him to be sad and I do want him to look forward to going to kindergarten, but boy does it hurt my heart!

I think I (we) cling to him because (a) he's the youngest, (b) I know he is my last child and (c) he had a rough time being born and spent 11 days in the NICU of our hospital on a ventilator for 24 hours with head CT scans, genetic tests, neurological tests and every other test known to man before we could bring him home. We all coddle him and baby him and I think it's because he was so sick and we were so afraid we would lose this beautiful redheaded boy that we all like to think of him still as a baby when he's not. He's 5 years old, he has completely gotten over whatever it was that the hospital thought he had (which I DIDN'T think he had) and is so very very smart, to boot. He can beat his older brothers at many video games, can read a lot of words already and has a smile with the most beautiful dimples that you've ever seen.

So I will send him off to kindergarten on the appointed day and not let him see how sad I am. Because it would make him sad and want to stay home and really, all little chicks have to fly the coop. Only us Moms don't have to always like it....