Thursday, February 19, 2009

Growing Up

On Tuesday my son Ryan got his first college recruiting mail. He's 15 and in 9th grade. WOW!! I couldn't believe it. I mean, he's 15!! He took the PSAT test in the fall and apparently his scores were very good, he says he told me, but heck, I can hardly remember what I had for breakfast 2 hours ago! The PSAT is the first chance colleges get to contact the young people, apparently, and this certain college in Texas which is a nice Christian college (hint) thought that Ryan would be a great fit. But isn't it a little early to be recruiting? It hit me hard, I guess, because I have a really hard time thinking of him as being in high school anyway and eventually leaving the nest for college life, but it's easy for me to remember the sweet little shy preschooler or kindergartner. Is it going to be this hard every time? How can parents stand it?

I'm of course not looking forward to him leaving my house and not ever really living here again, but all I can think about is that I haven't had enough time with him, haven't had the time to teach him what he needs to know to survive and thrive without me to remind him of things... but then really he has been pretty self-sufficient as far as remembering his assignments, studying for tests, working on projects... but it's just not enough time... 18 years or so is just not enough time to prepare them for life and love...

Who knew that receiving mail from a college would set off this firestorm of emotion in me? It has also reminded me, painfully, that I never have found my calling in life, my true one thing that I'm good at that I want to do. My friends and family have jobs and careers that they love and that seems to be their true calling but I never have found that thing... and now that I have no kids at home, it's hitting me hard and hitting me in a way that reminds me that I'm too old to do some of the things that I might have been good at, or enjoyed, and some avenues are closed off from me.

I don't know if this is a normal situation that stay-at-home moms all face at some point or not. Are some of you happy just staying home and taking care of the house and being chauffeur, cook and organizer for the kids and husband? Or do some of you wonder, like I do, if there's something more out there in the big wide world that I could be good at, that could be a new career or life for me? Should I get a job, even part time, or not, or go back to school?

I always seem to find things to occupy my time at home...but is that all I want? For now, I guess it's okay to say I don't know. I'm thinking about it now and doing a lot of soul searching and praying.... but no answers yet.

But one thing I did decide... It's time to be serious about my health and fitness. I had joined a Boot Camp at our fitness center earlier this month, but a nearly 2 week bout with bronchitis and ear infections kept me out for too long to be able to catch up. So I'm taking matters into my own hands and doing my own boot camp. Barb over at A Chelsea Morning kind of inspired me because you see, she and her husband just quit smoking after 40 plus years. A habit like that is hard to break, but she's done it, I think. I thought, well, if she can beat an addiction like that, I can change my ways, too. And I am. And I will stick with it this time.